Friday, May 4, 2012

story of my life.

it's amazing how God works through other people & other ministries to help you, encourage you, smack you upside the head when you need it, etc etc...

(ps. husband & brother think this movie is pretty darn funny, it is... sad thing is, it's not really inaccurate sometimes... if you haven't seen it, it's called Mean Girls. how appropriate.)

this has been a pretty big topic in my life the last while & i couldn't help but laugh after i read it...

pretty much sums up my attitude now... not 100%, but pretty darn close. however, there are one or two exceptions that are so encouraging to me. my sister, jill, especially is one of those girls i would never want to live without. Like the devotional says, "The Bible teacher, 'He who walks with the wise grows wise' Proverbs 13:20a NIV". i feel like she is one of those wise people that i have been blessed to walk with. she is encouraging, patient, a wonderful mother to my nieces, a great wife to my brother & much more. the funny (not really though) part is that for year (literally), i didn't like her. i was one of those silly catty girls with no real reason. it is sad to think of how much time is wasted on being silly. actually, adam & i were having the discussion last night about this world & just over deep thoughts...

one of the last things his father was talking about before he passed was all the 'bright lights' & how 'amazing it is here' & 'how silly this all is'...

adam has no doubt that he was talking about this world. that it is so silly; we are here such a short time & so much of that is wasted on being sad or mad. now, don't get me wrong; you have to go through the valleys to stand upon the mountain of God (& appreciate it that much more),'s all so silly.

so, i got side-tracked. shocking.

i'm almost giving myself a lesson here on just letting go because it's all so silly... and i know that it is... the drama. the catty girls. the talking behind the back. the backstabbing. the crying. i do. it's just easier said than done & is something that is a continual battle which i am fighting with myself. and let me tell you, i can tell a difference. the Lord has giving me patience, understanding, a more humble heart to admit when i'm wrong & a wonderful husband to help me realize that i will not be able to change other people's stubborn & bad behaviors -- only my own. and sometimes... all you can do is 'pray for your enemy'. it even sounds awful to call them an 'enemy'.

anyways, i got sidetracked AGAIN...

so, what i was starting to say like 2 paragraphs ago is that i feel like this part sums up my life:

"Years ago I woul've told you that I don't much like women. I counted a few as friends, but the rest I dismissed as too much trouble. Never a "tomboy" by an stretch of the imagination, I just found guys easier to deal with. They generally say what they mean, let you know where you stand, and never size you up to determine who has the better haircut."

she continues.

"I didn't want to distrust women, but the majority of females in my life at the time evoked that response. They were catty, competitive and conniving. They gossiped, backstabbed and manipulated. I have to admit that I often responded in kind. Isn't it strange how addictive relational drama can be?"

isn't that amazing. almost pinpointing my emotions. isn't our God good? isn't his timing inpecable (spelling-haha)? anyways, i'm not saying that i've never been catty; i just told you have. i'm not saying that i've never gossiped; i have more than i can count. i'm not saying that i have never been a bad friend; i'm sure i have. all i'm saying is that all of this is frustrating... and i need to keep in the forefront to be the best child of God that i can be. be in His image to the best of my ability. and when i fall short, which is more often that i care to admit, to ask for help & forgiveness.

(from my perspective, this is what it feels like the girls at work think of me. now, hate is a very strong word & i wouldn't say i 'hate' anyone... it's just actions by them towards me that feel like this picture is appropriate! sad, but true!)

it is so much easier to point out other people's flaws rather than your own & i definitely feel that's something i have been called to work on lately. it started with a book i was reading, "The First 90 Days of Marriage" by Eric & Leslie Ludy. one of the things they said is to be super-oober quick to admit your wrong & claim your faults. that was something big i had/have to work on; believe it or not...i can be pretty stubborn. :) it's amazing to see the Lord softening up your heart though. okay, stay on track... anyways, that was the first thing. the second was one thing that adam said to me; you just need to worry about yourself. pray for others who do you wrong, but some people you just aren't going to change. focus on you & what you're doing & if you did anything wrong & then just give the rest up to God; he'll take care of it... and ever since then, i've been working. working hard.

okay, so i no longer remember where in the world i was going with this... i suppose only to say it's amazing how the Lord works & that i am praying for good, healthy, Godly relationships for my husband & i...

lots of ramblings & getting sidetracked,


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